wellness4performers

Boredom is a sign of stress. While you may feel most comfortable dancing, your body and mind need downtime to recover. Fortunately, there are a number of ways to relax. For example, you could watch your favorite DVD. It can be a nice distraction and you'll need to sit still to watch it. Enjoying nature during a quiet walk in the park can also recharge your battery, as well as any hobby that doesn't require exercise. Naps are another way to relax. Just keep it to 20 minutes so you don't have trouble sleeping at night.

how do you relax? likei feel like when im "relaxing" i feel bored. like i NEED to dance. i honestly dont know how to relax like im always on the move. do you have any advice ?

You are absolutely right 2L2L2D - there is nothing as relaxing & luxurious as a long, hot bath. Unfortunately bathtubs in most of our apartments are much to small to really stretch out in. Every time I go on vacation to a really good place, I spend at least an hour a day in the tub - it's one of the highlights of any vacation.

To relax...and this may seem unoriginal...I soothe in a hot bath. The steam and aromas of my favorite bath salts and bath soap bring me to my happy place. It is hard to keep my mind calm, but with enough time I often slip into the most serene state of mind. When I get out of the bath, my whole body feels significantly less stressed and tense!

I completely agree! I try to pay attention to what activities make me feel the most relaxed (even if they aren't the most relaxing). It's important to surround yourself with people and situations that foster health and peace. It's amazing what personal, emotional, and physical benefits you will reap by creating a healthy environment for yourself!

"Active Participation" (per onceadancer) is my way to live. I just finished my last concert & I will wind down by finally cleaning my apartment. How long can one ignore those little dust devils? I am not good at meditation - I don't have the patience, though I admire those that do. Do I like housework - absolutely not, but it's a change of pace.

I think "onceadancer" has made an excellent point! We can't change who we are but if we can see the benefits of relaxing, everyone will be more productive by removing the constant pressure to excel. Wouldn't that be nice?

The discipline and work ethic that we apply to our professions certainly inform how we apply ourselves and approach our future and life in general. I also have gone from professional dancing to working with young children like CathNYC mentions, and I cannot do anything half-heartedly, even if it's something that is recreational. I get a sense that what we've all engaged in ourselves is, "active participation" in all aspects of our lives, since that is required of us to an extreme in our professional vocations. So, even a walk in the park becomes an experience of wanting to be aware of my surroundings and trying to notice things I haven't before. This certainly lends to a richer experience in life but can also be tiring, constantly being mentally engaged. I read a lovely, small book just on this topic called "Gift from the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh, in which she meditates upon balanced living. It reminded me of Lisa's earlier comments about the time it takes just to be able to get into a mode where it's relaxing to relax! This little book also opened up for me that, every now and then, just letting your surroundings or an experience encompass you, can be enriching and allows us to be recipients of the life around us.

After the really good comments and information contained in this discussion, I think we've learned a lot. Most importantly, that we're not alone in finding it hard to slow down. A little change of pace will make us all better at what we want to do.

I agree Lisa. It's impossible to achieve perfectionism. My life became fuller when I realized I could never be perfect. It's something to hide behind. It was a state of mind that kept me from going forward. However, I have high expectations of myself in everything I do, but I cut myself more slack now and as a result, enjoy things more. Life is fun...it's all about how you spin things:-)

You know - we sound like a really great crowd. We've all been thru the crucible of working like demons to accomplish something we love & now we're trying to add the things that make life really enjoyable. The perfectionism in whatever follow-up career we choose will stay but every now and then life can be fun.

For what it's worth, I found something where perfectionism doesn't kick in (thank goodness). I've started reading for pleasure and I actually lose track of time. It's the greatest escape. I used to do it before I became so obsessed with my career. Now I use it to turn off and indulge (a dirty word). I love it!!!

Balance is the key word. Perfectionists CAN'T do anything else but try to be perfect. But if we stay in that mode all the time, we are really cheating ourselves. There are so many interesting things to do so try to widen your world. It won't take away from your concentration - it will only refresh you so you'll attack the thing you want to do with new vigor.

You sound like you've created a nice balance in your life CathNYC. I'm working on mine. So far we all seem to struggle to relax because of the inner pressures to push ourselves, not just from outside demands like paying the rent. I suppose it's part of our personality

I can definitely relate to what all are saying! I ended up leaving my career as a dancer a few years ago in order to pursue another passion of mine-teaching young children. I thought that when I "let go" of ballet, my intensity and drive for perfectionism would wane, and my life would become more relaxed. However, I was wrong! These qualities just got directed elsewhere. Being in the performing world is competitive and consuming. When one spends years striving to perfect an artform, it affects the way you approach everything in life. The most important thing for me has been recongnizing these traits and embracing them for how much will and determination they provide me with. With that said, I try to find balance each day by doing things that are enjoyable and healthy, mentally and physically. Pilates, exercise, baking, taking a walk, and singing are a few activities that provide me with relaxation and allow me to escape from anxiety and stress.

At least Lisa you're able to enjoy yourself after two weeks. By the way, I've been taking everyone's advice. I talked to my parents and they don't mind helping me out financially so some of that pressure is off. I am going to get a part-time job to pitch in. I'm also starting to do stuff that isn't goal-oriented and it's fun! I want to do the survey on relaxing and see how I compare to others.

Thanks guys! You've been a big help

The trouble with all of us performers, would be performers & wannabe performers is we all feel guilty when we're not working as hard as we can at our art. After a really hectic month and a half, I have a month off & I keep feeling I should be DOING something. It's almost impossible to relax & do anything just for fun. I end up making lists - clean the house, wash the dog, etc. It takes a week or two to come down & do nothing & enjoy it.

You're absolutely right Lisa. I always feel more energized after I've spent time doing something like listening to music. As far as I know, there's no way to grade yourself on that even if you're a die-hard perfectionist! The trick is to give yourself permission to enjoy it without feeling guilty. That's where my therapist has been really helpful.

How much frustration can any of us take in life? To relax, do something at which there is no need to excel - perfectionists cannot turn it off. Take a walk in the park; Look at the birds & the squirrels, see the shoots of spring flowers coming up out of the ground. Go to a museum - immerse yourself in the art. See a movie, have a girls' night out. At least a few times a week do something just for fun. Eat out. You'll come back refreshed & ready to take on whatever comes up next.

Perfectionism goes hand-in-hand with being gifted. The problem is that no one is perfect!!! While it's admirable to strive to be your best, you don't need to achieve in everything. It helps to be clear about your priorities. Setting high but realistic goals is appropriate for work. Messing up a fancy dessert, on the other hand, is not going to ruin anyone's life unless you're trying to make it as a chef (and even they mess up). I'm happy to hear "onceadancer" how you've learned to find value when things aren't perfect. Still, my hope is that both you and "catface" will give yourselves areas where you have nothing to prove. So what if a chocolate soufflé collapses. I'm told it makes a tasty pudding.

Hi "Catface." You sound like a perfectionist which has its great attributes and also its challenges. I can relate in some ways because, having been a professional ballet dancer, the standards during training were at a consistently high level. I also studied piano professionally and there were expectations there as well. I, too, wanted everything else I did to be as "perfect" as possible, including later temp jobs, undergrad, grad school, career and, eventually dance and piano when they became lifetime hobbies. What I found though is that, when things were not as perfect as I wanted them to be, I knew I had given it my best (and also knew when I didn't so I could never cheat myself!) The beauty of imperfection is that it points to new ways of thinking or approaching something on a deeper level and, subsequently, often allowed me to reach an even higher level of achievement than I ever would have been open to with my "preconceived" notion of perfection.

I have several interests outside of my career. The only problem is that, although I like doing them, I get really frustrated when I am not perfect at everything. For example, if I cook a meal/dessert/birthday cake and it doesn't turn out as perfectly as I wanted it to I get so annoyed and have to move on to something else for a week or two. I like doing other things besides dancing, as I think it is helpful, but at the same time I feel as frustrated about my interests and hobbies as I do about my career. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself because I think that I have to do everything perfectly, which I never seem to be able to do. I wonder if anyone else feels the same or has advice?

Most careers are competitive. It's also impossible to avoid rejection or failure. In fact, I'm a big believer in learning from failure. Your son can handle these episodes better if he doesn't take them personally (they happen to everyone) and has meaningful work that pays the bills. Harrison Ford supported himself by being a carpenter until he got his big break in acting, whereas the great choreographer George Balanchine played piano at cabarets and silent movie theaters. Perhaps your son could get a degree in music engineering or some other area of interest AND study directing. The reality is that being drawn to the performing arts is a vocation. "Onceadancer" is a perfect example. She may have moved on to another career that she loves but she still takes dance classes. Note: she also finds them relaxing. Your son needs to find ways to relax as well.

I have a son who is 18 years old and has always wanted to be a film director. He started with acting when very young , is also a musician, plays and composes jazz on the piano but his real passion is directing. He has done a few shorts in high school with his friends as actors. He wanted to go to prfessional school in directing but we dissuaded him to pursue liberal arts instead. My concern is that , this is a very competitive profession , and although I think he is good, I don't think he is prepared to face rejection and failures along the way. How can I best prepare him as a parent for this tough career?

Being further down my life path and having a different career that I love, I actually find that I relax by taking dance classes, which when I finally started doing for my pleasure and not professional purposes, became very fulfilling in a holistic way. Like "wannabe," I used to also want to achieve professionally in my dancing career for my parents who had invested so much of their time and money but I also know that it gives them pleasure to know that this is an aspect of my life that I have kept pursuing and has evolved into a life-long vocation.

I've been in "wannabe's" shoes and all it did was burn me out. I still audition as much as possible and work as a temp for a law firm. But I make sure to leave room for fun stuff to break the tension like listening to music and hanging out with my friends. It helps me enjoy acting classes a whole lot more.

I'm sure you'll hear from others who feel like you. It is not unusual to want your parents' approval, especially if they are providing financial assistance. Talking about it may resolve some of the tension. For example, you might find that helping you out makes them happy. If you'd rather not be in this position, you could get a survival job (see Resources on this website). Whatever road you take, it's still important to decompress outside of work. Think back to when you were younger. What were your hobbies and interests? You'll be more productive if you give yourself permission to take mini breaks.

My problem is I have no interests outside of acting. Maybe it's cause I'm scared of letting my parents down. They're paying my rent and I want to show that acting isn't a waste of time. I can't relax. Does anyone else feel this way?